A good way to start with realism is to go into the game settings and change the gravity to a more realistic -30.00 and set your engage distance to something like 200 so that you don't immediately slap Uke when you more your arms

You also don't want to use grabs because you're basically just sticking your hands to them and due to the nature of how toribash handles grabs your movement will be hindered severely (unless of course you have lots of experience)

Realism is also a toughie for newer players as you generally have to use your entire body at all times just to keep your balance or go for moves. It's extremely difficult to find any realistic move that requires only a handful of bodyparts to work.

I'd suggest going for something simple such as a backflip first before attempting anything which requires interaction with Uke because then you have to focus on how your tori will react to touching him as well as what move you're planning out. On top of that, you don't really need that many parts for a good backflip other than your entire legs, pecs and shoulders.