Theres nothing wrong in copying moves from tutorials or from other players, that is what's gonna help you develop a feel for the game and how things work, specially during the early stages of learning, that's how we learn anything in life really.

I also can relate to that, during my first years I dropped this game a couple times before I finally decided not to give up, and there's nothing wrong with that either, I think the first step for you to learn anything, even this game, is making sure you enjoy what you are doing in the first place, doesn't matter if that's parkour, tricking, competetive mods, or just trying out fun mods. This game has a huge learning curve, so don't feel bad for taking your time with it, trust me, we all have been there at one point.

Don't be too harsh on yourself, learning and developing skills takes time, allow yourself to do mistakes and to fail, if anything, try to fail as much as you can, success is a consequence of many failed attempts, don't limit yourself with negative thoughts/mindset such as "I'm not supposed to copy from others" or "I already tried this X amount of times and still haven't pulled it off" that will only slow and possibly drag you down as well.

Lastly, if you don't like talking to strangers, that's not an issue, there are many youtube videos and guides all around the forums that can and will help you learn the basics and fundamentals. If you can, you should spectate more experient players as well, maybe play with them if you get the chance or even download their replays and press "E" for you to see how they performed a specific movement during a specific turn/frame. It's not a requirement, but making friends with people that are willing to help and play with you, people that aren't toxic, will improve your learning experience in this game drastically.